Discreetly Naughty Army's Lady '08

HELP

SensayTessa — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 17:09:15 +0000

Hello world! Im currently writing my thesis. Its about factors affecting low performance of science students. I need your help on the sites I have to research on.. Thanks.. GOD BLESS

Updates after more than a year…

SensayTessa — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 17:16:50 +0000

BUSY…. This is me this past few months! Weekdays, Im a teacher, a tutor and a church secretary. Saturdays, Im a student for my Master of Arts in teaching schooling. Sunday, Im a full pledged INC member. Plus the fact that Im a loving daughter, sister, auntie, friend and a girlfriend. Thanks to Bhest that he understands my situation. I am happy despite that hectic schedule. I am at peace and comfortable anyway. Trials are still there but I believe with the challenges Ive passed in the past, I am a lot stronger now.

Well, I have a very controversial and very unusual love affair at the moment. But dont worry, its legal in the eyes of GOD and that’s what matters to me. He is a Pinoy, so sweet, caring, loving and sensitive. We called each other :”Bhest” which he chose with a meaning of “being the best among the best girlfriends he ever had and likewise mine with him”

Gotta go for a while, have to finished my assignment. GOD BLESS!

my wound

SensayTessa — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 04:42:07 +0000

For the nth time, I wasnt able to control myself! It was 2 in the afternoon (January 25, 2010), my tears ceaselessly fell from my eyes while I was in front of my students who happens to be my favorite. It was a matter of the heart. I am not shame that my students saw me weeping uncontrollably because I know that they love me and they feel what I feel. What Im worried at is the puzzle it brought to their young minds that might lead to discussing the situation with their parents. I hate myself for being soft.. for being weak!

Boga is the soul reason. He messaged me and unconsciously touched the wound in my heart he created himself. I was trying to ignore the pain, I actually allowed it to bleed naturally for how many months now. I just simply want my wound to get healed the natural way but he opened it and it got fresh again.

My heart as I described it few years back and if I may describe it again is already weak! From what I feel, its dying…With the pain I felt this afternoon, it was like a near death experience. If only Boga is not insensitive and selfish, I will be healed sooner. This is really a different case as compared to that of the Belgium guy. Because the Belgium guy, in his own way, tried to help me get through the pain he also brought. He was honest and after hating him which I suppose just normal for a normal woman who got hurt, forgiveness came just right in time.

How I wish I could open up my heart to Boga. But like Ive said, he’s too insensitive and selfish not to give me that chance.

I just pray that GOD would answer my prayer immediately… That one morning, as I wake up, HE already deleted all the things/memories that has something to do with Boga. Yes, Im appealing that to GOD, in all my prayers, because with all the men who came in and out of my life, he was the one who hurt me the most!

I was hurt, still in pain, depressed and a day is really a struggle!

Thanks for reading… GOD BLESS!

revelations soon

SensayTessa — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 10:14:06 +0000

HAPPY NEW YEAR to all.. Surrendering, forgiveness, letting go and acceptance are the most difficult but the most important aspects of attaining peace..

more to reveal soon..

GOD BLESS US ALL!

dream come true!

SensayTessa — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 04:23:58 +0000

finally, one of my dreams came to reality! the family of my special someone loves me so dearly. they are so proud that I am the girl of their son and everytime I encountered someone telling me how proud my inlaws to be about me, I cant help it but feel flattered! i really found my new set of parents with them. i try to let them feel how grateful I am to them whenever I have a chance and the exchange is really overwhelming. I did something for them last week, it was just a simple thoughtfulness but you know what? their gratitude is so huge! what made me happier was that, my boyfriend appreciated it more than they did! i felt so happy indeed!

one more about my boyfriend is that… he really made me closer to GOD! I know that when I chose to love him, my heart and soul has been purified! it has always been my weakness… loving someone not a member of the church! but when he came into my life, that weakness becomes a strength! with that I really cant help it but LOVE him. I must say, its really a gift from GOD!

more about me and “BOGA KU” soon.. GOD BLESS US MORE!

…in a relationship…

SensayTessa — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 09:05:21 +0000

Hello everyone! Its been so long since I posted my last blog. Yes, I am in a relationship again for the nth time. He’s a PINOY, not handsome, not rich, not romantic and not smart according to him but yes, I love him! And with him, LOVE IS REALLY A GIFT FROM GOD!

By the way, his strongest point is that, he’s also a member of the Church! On October 12 is going to be our 2nd month. I just hope and pray we’ll be able to surpass all the trials that will come along the way of our relationship!

Till next time, GOD BLESS!

WAITING

SensayTessa — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 09:18:20 +0000

When shall I become completely happy?As far as I can remember, never had I become one! All I want is to be happily inlove, by happily inlove I mean, not only mutual but more importantly with sure GOD’s guidance but love was never happy being with me. I tried for how many times but like what you can infer, I always fail. I dont know why I was always put on a dilemma and the only solution I know is to wait, hope and pray. My relationship with the last 3 guys in my life revolved with this prayer: If he’s not the one, just shut my love off from him and if he’s the one, give me the only and best sign that we (GOD and me) know. Obviously, they were not the one, but Im still complete for my real GOD’S GIFT as he come soon.

Let me just leave you with this, I may love somebody so deep that anyone could ever imagine but I see to it that I still have something for myself to cherish,

Gotta go for a while. GOD BLESS YOU ALL! bye….

TRIBUTE TO MY ARMY MAN

SensayTessa — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 14:13:45 +0000

Tonight, I had one of the rarest moments to talk about my lovelife with my Mom. I was never opened about this aspect of my life with my parents since they are very protective about me and choosy about the man I would be with as a husband. They always say, they don’t choose my husband to be but they can always choose my husband not to be. Ridiculous but they strongly stand with that! She’s always appreciative of the Belgium guy and also with My Army Man. But she appreciates the Belgium guy more. I told her, I appreciate the Army Man more. She asked why? I told her that Ive never seen a guy as respectful as My Army Man. We were able to chat for a maximum of 15 hours and I never sensed him to go on topics about sex. I really gave him an A++ for that. My Mom said, and so with the Belgium Guy. I said yes, but me and the Belgium guy were together for 6 weeks and we had our moments so I was able to express my love the least possible I can. Unlike with the Army Man. The only thing I know to express my love is to talk about it. Would you believe, I teased him once. I was thinking Im not desirable to him and in my belief, there’s nothing wrong if we will talk about it since we love each other anyway. He refused and asked me this: “What had come along with you?” It was like a slap in my face but deep inside a strong admiration to him. He told me I should not do that and he respect me that much! I really missed my Army Man. If I may say it, he is the only guy who made me feel I was truly loved. He sent me money for my computer and internet for my safety. According to a friend online who is a black guy also, that act showed that the Army Man truly loves me. And he cant beat him for doing that.

I told my Mom I loved the Army Man and Im ready to be his wife. That I was looking forward to the day I will welcome him in the airport, spent our first 24 hours together, hold and kiss him. Just a thought, I feel so glad right now. My Mom said, unfortunately, we never had the chance to be together, too sad!

Why it didn’t work out? I really don’t know! I guess its DESTINY! We didn’t have the chance either the choice!

Right now, Im okey, I accepted everything and always happy to look back with that chapter of my life where he was the hero. I have to admit that he has a special place in my heart. I still love him and praying that he is happy, successful and healthy. Honestly, we never had the chance to talk about our separation and I am still hoping we’ll be able to.

If by any chance you will be able to read this: Im still here for you, maybe on a different role but the love and care is still there. If I have done something wrong and said something bad that have hurt you, I AM REALLY REALLY SORRY!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY on June 28, 2009

Thanks for reading… GOD BLESS!

ADVENTURE

SensayTessa — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 14:11:25 +0000

LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT! Its true! Its just a matter of intelligence and awareness that you are actually making your life. I mean be sure that in every actions you are going to make, be it good or bad, you should be ready for the consequences. You shouldn’t regret it in the end, after all, its your decision, in other words, YOU MADE IT! I am the type of person who is really adventurous about life. Id like to experience everything that I can and my moral would allow. Would you believe, I made an experiment about love? There is this guy who unexpectedly became part of my love life. He was a friend’s friend. Honestly, I don’t have any plan to add another significant man in my life, its just that, I cant say NO to a friend. The truth, I knew for a fact that I wouldn’t fall for the guy. He was never my ideal man. As how my close friends knew me, I wouldn’t go with a guy who is simplier than I. Forgive me for the term but I cant find any word to express my point clearly. He was introduced to me few years back and I really didn’t have the interest over him. He’s not my type and will never be! But then, I tried to went out with him, maintained a communication with him and played with him. Yes “play”, that’s how I call it. All throughout, its all in the mind. My actions, my words and all that were scripted. Until one day, I realized that its no longer a play, it exceeds that coz my heart got involved and it made everything complicated and before I knew it, its now becoming hard for me to quit.

But Im still the conscious lady who knew what she’s doing right from the start. I started to lay low with my communication with the guy. Whenever he contact me, I reply, for him not to have any suspicion of what’s going on. I want to say, in my adventure, I did something crazy. And that experience taught me a lot about love! That in LOVE, MIND will never give us any pleasure! That LOVE is not a state of the mind, its really the HEART that works. Likewise with my first love who died 7 years ago, no matter how I convince myself that he’s gone, to forget him is the best thing that I can do and that I have to move on, I really cant. My heart don’t follow. Maybe its true that DEATH only ends life, and not the relationship. It maybe sad to those who may read this blog but to me its ok. I actually had a vow over his tomb, that I wont get married and that I will love him not for the rest of his life but for the rest of mine. After his death, I lived 5 years of my life as if he’s there. I always talk to him, send him messages on his number, write a letter for him and love him so dearly. A lot of guys tried to win me but I turned down all of them. Its true, HEALING IS A LIFELONG PROCESS. However, I tried my best to move on. I opened my heart with a Belgium guy. It was again, a state of the mind decision, I learned to love him but a love so shallow to die after 2 years. I tried with a Black guy once more, the guy who is the reason why I am part of this site. As you can read over my blogs archive, it was a developed love through all his efforts and it became heartful until the end that’s why I considered him my true love. Unfortunately, our love story ended because of distance and a lot of unavoidable circumstances along the way. We’ve never really together yet we’ve never really said goodbye! We never had the chance to talk and work it out. It was ruined by pride, it was hurtful but Im moved on and dealing with my so called “adventure” right now. Nevertheless, I have no regret other than the feeling I refused to feel if my first love and true love have at least HOLD ME!  Because my first love died without even holding my hand and my true love disappeared before we get to be together.

Well, my adventure is near to its end. I know I will have to deal some adjustments but its my decision and Im ready with it. Just allow me to say that this unexcpected significant man in my life made some months of my life truly happy, exciting and unforgettable.

To you: If by chance you’ll be able to read this blog, please feel that Im grateful for your appearance into my life and I will always be a true friend to you. GOD BLESS YOU!

Thanks for dropping by bloggers. GOD BLESS US ALL!

UNEXPECTED LOVE

SensayTessa — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 08:42:15 +0000

LOVE comes naturally and unexpectedly… in the most unexpected time, the most unexpected place, the most unexpected situation and with the most unexpected person… And when it is unexpected???? It simply means… its TRUE!

OMG! I have to admit that this is really what’s happening to me. Its always a nice feeling to be inlove but with so many considerations… how I really wish… better NOT! Although in my situation right now, I had a lot of realizations. First, that I can still fall inlove again after 2 major heartbreaks. Second, that I can love a simple guy whom for a fact Im very sure I would fall inlove to. Lastly, that I will always go for GOD even if it really hurts. Let’s just see what will be the next thing to happen.

Thanks for dropping by bloggers! GOD BLESS US ALL!